Children Live What They Learn
If children receive hostility and ridicule, they learn to hate.
If children receive friendliness and acceptance, they learn to love.
The above lines were influenced by “Children Learn What They Live”, a poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
Has Jamaica moved on from a colonial past of hostility and ridicule towards those that are less powerful? What has started on the plantation has been synthesized and is now common place in our homes, schools and the wider society. The traditional tools of control, the shackle and the whip, have been replaced by the tongue whose venom is deadlier than a cut from a knife or a bullet from a gun. And the level of disrespect and condemnation meted out to those that are weaker is discouraging and debilitating to say the least.
“Children are the future” is a well known phrase. So if our children are our future, the question is, what kind of future are we building for ourselves – for Jamaica? I have worked with children for nearly thirty years and have brought up three children of my own. That is why I think that I am qualified to write on this subject. The reason why I wrote this article, however, is because I am concerned about the damage we as adults are doing to our children. We complain about how the children of today are violent, disrespectful, uncaring, disobedient, thoughtless, spiteful, aggressive, and the list goes on. Who did they learn all these things from? And why should they act any different when they become adults themselves?
I believe that a child is the perfect creation of God – a clean slate to be written on. In the first instance, the newborn child models everything that the parents do – smiling, talking, walking, etc. The child also models swearing, cursing and fighting. If the young child at home observes adults being abusive and disrespectful towards each other and to him or her, that is what the young child will follow. If what the child sees on T.V. and in society replicates what is happening in the home, that confirms to the child that that is the way to be. When the child enters school, their world view and their understanding of how to resolve conflicts are already formed. Their listening skills are not developed, because they learn quickly to shut out hostile voices. So they have not properly learnt to follow instructions. At school, the child is put in a small room with in excess of forty other children, many of whom have come from similar homes and all from the same society. How will that single teacher control that class, which is necessary before any teaching or learning can take place?
She entered the profession because she wants to make a difference. She enters the classroom on the first school day in September, well rested from the long summer holiday and reconfirmed her mission to serve and her belief that all these beautiful children of God sitting before her are able to fulfil their full potential. The term is half-way through and the stress from trying to control the class has returned and increased by the feeling of being unvalued by those in authority. There is a great expectation for the teacher to transform those children in her care. Graduation comes along and the Government tells her that she has failed because too many children are leaving school functionally illiterate.
The next school year begins and the pressure starts to mount. She loses control and lashes out at the children. When she entered teaching, she promised herself that she was going to be different. She knew that children do best when they are given friendliness, respect and acceptance. She had tried her best, but she received the children too late, after they had been damaged by hostility, overexposure and ridicule in the home and abused by an uncaring society. They took her kindness for weakness and walked all over her. Her frustration gets the better of her and she struggles to show the unruly children that they don’t “run tings inna fi har classroom.” And the downward spiral continues.
If children receive friendliness and acceptance, they learn to love. They will learn to be obedient and respectful, qualities which are necessary for a successful school experience. It starts in the homes and continues in society and the school. Only then will we have the foundation for our children to achieve their full potential, and we will be on our way to a disciplined and productive Jamaica.
How do we change from a culture of hostility and ridicule to one of friendliness and acceptance? Start by making Parenting Skills a compulsory subject in Secondary Schools.
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
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